Athena Sobhan

Soooo remember how I said I was gonna keep writing and keep up with this blog? Well… that didn’t happen huh? LOL! Well I’m back and ready more than ever to get back into it and focus more on my passions.

It’s easy when you’re wrapped up in your own little world, trying to take things one day at a time and just try not to burn out. However, the thing that people (especially me) seem to forget is that the only people that are really holding us back from what we want in life is ourselves.

Even as the memories of study abroad slowly fade, my desire to live in London has not, but its gotten buried by all these other things in my life that have made me lose sight of my goals. These days, I don’t take the time to reflect the way I want and need to. I feel myself getting lost (once again) in doubts and fears within myself that cause me to lose confidence in things I KNOW I’m able to do.

“…when I started feeling doubts about studying medicine or becoming an engineer, I felt like an outsider.”

This week in particular was really hard for me. Not just work-load wise, but mentally and emotionally straining. I felt consumed by doubts and the weight of feeling stuck. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a full time job where I’m learning a lot about becoming a professional in PR and have a good living situation, but I know in my heart that I’ve grown complacent and comfortable where I am.

I’ve struggled with keeping myself motivated and pushing myself to actually follow through with things that I want to do. Its easier to just flop on the couch and scroll through Twitter to avoid doing anything productive, But it’s not doing anything for me to work towards what I want.

On the other hand, I’m also struggling with what exactly I want. What is it I want to achieve? I know my parents would LOVE for me to get retrained and pursue engineering/technology but God KNOWS I don’t want that, and I think they’re starting to  accept that (slowly, but surely). But then when they ask me what I want, I can’t give them a straight answer cause I don’t know myself.

Banglasheshi-Americans (especially women) are typically not encouraged to go into fields outside of Medicine, Law, or Engineering, but I understand where they’re coming from. Like most immigrants, Bangladeshis come to the US to provide a life of comfort and stability for their families. They struggle to integrate themselves into the American lifestyle, learning the language and the mannerisms in order to achieve this success and want to shield their children from the struggles they faced.

Growing up, my parents told me I could be whatever I wanted to be, but would gently (sometimes not) encourage me to pursue engineering or computer science, but my heart was set on becoming a doctor. As I grew older and worked towards becoming a doctor, I had to take a hard look at myself and ask if this what I really wanted to do. I didn’t want to end up pigeonholing myself into a career, but what else would I do? I grew up hearing how different people in my family pursued degrees in science and engineering and I wanted to make my family proud.

I didn’t hear or see Bangladeshi-Americans pursuing careers in fashion, media, acting, music, or anything else, so when I started feeling doubts about studying medicine or becoming an engineer, I felt like an outsider. I understand there’s a need for diversity in the STEM fields and I want to encourage minorities to pursue those careers, but we have to address the lack of diversity across ALL industries.

When people think of South Asians, they think doctors, engineers, convenient store owners, they don’t think PR professionals, journalist, actors, members of Congress, or President of the United States. I always knew I want to help people, and I thought the way to do that was through medicine, but I realized now I want to help  open up the world of opportunity for everyone, especially for Bangladeshi-Americans like me, who don’t fit in.

This week helped me realize how much I wanted that, how the path I’m on is leading me to that and my other short term goals. I may feel like I’m stuck now, but I’m ready to push ahead to what my future holds for me. I’m not waiting for someone to make the path towards my success, I’m paving it as we speak.